what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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