Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
