you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
