Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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