I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
