fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
