I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
