she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
