Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
