And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
