soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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