she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
