is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
why is half of my head shaved?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
