She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
