It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They took my balls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
