drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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