I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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