next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
