Umm I'm too high to move.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
