Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
