You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
