the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
