so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
