i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
