It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
