Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
