Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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