I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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