Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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