i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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