How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
