Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
