so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So drunk its hurt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
