OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
