Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
