Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
