Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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