ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
