He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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