do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
