even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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