his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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