take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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