So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
