chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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