Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
