someone owes me an orgasm
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
