I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
