I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
