Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
