A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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