he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
