the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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