I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
