the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
